I do not know how to swim. I should just move to the moon.

I  do not know how to swim. I do not also know how to float. Can somebody please define what a pool is? It is safe to say that my relationship with water has been a big MEH.

My inner goddess has not been brave, or shall I say NEVER been brave when it comes to swimming. The sea is by far the scariest, after my recent dream of a fish tornado. I could be carried out in the middle of 1234 Deepest Ocean Street, Where-the-hell-I-am-Lane, I.do.not.know.how.to.swim.City, CA, 00000. The sea just looks so limitless, and I could be gone, without anyone knowing where to look first. It’s not like the cast of Finding Nemo is real. Maybe they would have a chance of finding me.

Big shocker? Yes, it is. From where I am, they call our place “THE  ISLAND”. Kind of ironic that I, a citizen of “THE ISLAND”, have been living on this “ISLAND” for 22 years now, and still do not know how to swim. What can I say? The BRIDGE is there for us to use!

So, I have listed what I think I would miss if I do not learn to swim, anytime SOON.

– MY LIFE. Of course, if I drown, and Spongebob is not there to suck all those water, I’d be dead.

-BEING IN A TWO PIECE. Kind of defeats the purpose eh? If I wear a two piece swimming suit for the sake of just taking pictures. Well… if you think about it, not really. Actually, that would be nice. I might just do that. I could do a picture of me running from the shore to the sand, running in a slow motion like in Baywatch.

-NEVER BEING PART OF THE CAST OF WATERWORLD. From the fact that I do not know how to float, do a doggy paddle, and breathe underwater for a full 10 seconds, I have a very strong feeling that I would not be even able to enter the studio and ask for an audition, without having to bribe the swimming coach aka security guard. Well, if Kevin Costner were to drown, I’d help save him. I’d call for people who knows how to swim. They would then award me for my bravery. For the record, I do a really loud scream, or shout.

-IF I WERE A WATER POKEMON, PIKACHU HAS BEATEN ME FOR A GAZILLION TIMES NOW. I’d be electricuted. And, Ash would never ask me to be out of my Pokeball ever again.

-NO WATER SLIDES FOR ME. Well, there is always that slide. In the playground. For kids.

-I’D ALWAYS BE AT THE KIDDY POOL. ADULT POOLS- NO ENTRY.

-MY DOG WOULD HAVE THE HERO MEDAL. Just from the fact that he knows how to swim. Heck, a swimming style was named after his kind!

-IN GAME OF THRONES. I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE AFTER THAT WILDFIRE BY TYRRION.

I know that being fearful of the water would not lead me to anywhere. I just wish that by this swimming lessons that I am about to take, I would finally learn. I just want to see myself be brave.

PS. If you know how to swim, instructors are welcome to apply.

PPS. I do not have an extra money for your fee. Submit application at your own risk. Well, I have some bread and canned soda. I’d be more than happy to give these as payment.

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